Losing Signal
by anythingzombie
Summary: AU/AH: Edward Cullen is your regular teenage boy, but he finds the world around him slowly falling down. His sister has cancer, his best friend is in love with the new kid, and his parents are fighting. What's a boy to do? -DEAD-
1. Go Ahead and Burn It Down

**Losing Signal**

**Preface**

With an easy simplicity, I blinked and watched her disappear with him. It was a very easy thing to do. I had watched her leave with him again and again, never thinking twice about it. Sometimes if I was lucky, she'd look back and smile at me. I was happy at that smile that danced across her lips and the way her eyes would sparkle in the light above her. While one hand was securely trapped in his, she'd wave at me with the other.

I couldn't gain the courage to wave back. I didn't want to. I tried not to smile, but I could never stay angry at her. I understood that she had made her choice. She had chose him over me and I had let her. I could have fought for her like she had wanted me to do, but I knew without him she'd be lost – broken.

I promised I'd never let that happen again.

It was the right thing to do. She deserved the best; the better. She deserved to be happy and in love. She deserved so much more then what I could give her, and she got that. He was better for her. He would take care of her, he would love her, and he would make her happy. He was meant for her and clearly she was meant for him.

As much as I wished that I could be him, as much as I wished it was my lips touching hers, or my hands touching her fragile skin, I always knew that she was his. I'd never lose the love I had for her or the anger and hatred I felt towards him, but I'd always know what was best for her. This was how things were supposed to be, but I just never expected some of the things to go this way.

I would miss her. I would miss her an awful lot. But when life offers you something better, you should never pass it up. Bella had her something better, and I was just waiting for mine.

I had no regrets.

I think.

**

* * *

Chapter One - Go Ahead and Burn It Down  
**

"Do you ever think that God wants us to have pain?" my little sister, Alice, asked. I looked up at her as she relaxed happily on my bed, her face staring down at me as I took the spot on the floor beside it. I stared into her blue eyes, wondering what she was getting at.

"I'm not sure. What do you think?" I asked back. I knew my answer, but she really didn't need the negativity.

"I think he does," she whispered.

I sat up on my elbows so I could get a better look at her. Alice was never a pessimist and she never thought of anyone as anything less. According to her there was no bad in the world, just accidents.

I breathed. "And why is this?"

"I think in order to live a full life, we need to be in pain and see others in pain, too. Because pain makes you grow up, it makes you love more. I think sometimes he makes people sick so others can have the chance to grow."

I was shocked at her words. I didn't know how to respond. She spoke with such a great knowledge and even greater heart that left me speechless and in awe. Alice was young, she was naïve. She was just a little kid. But that's the great thing about Alice. Everyone knew never to underestimate her. Age was just a number, and even though she couldn't figure out how to multiply numbers perfectly, she was far more mature then a lot of people.

"Edward?" Alice yawned.

"Yeah?" I responded.

"Who do you think I'm in pain for?"

Alice had been diagnosed with Leukemia nearly a month ago. It was very sudden and very scary, but somehow she remained to be brave about the whole situation. Instead of my family comforting her, she was comforting us. She was constantly telling us how she'd been fine and how God would take care of us all. I wasn't sure where this faith had come from. My family wasn't big on religion or even church. My mother, Esme, was a Christian who did attend church every once and again, but she wasn't zealous about it. My family was open minded on what any of us wanted to do and hardly pushed anyone to follow someone else's dreams.

I myself wasn't sure if I believed in God. But thanks to Alice's cancer, I was beginning to think not. Alice was one of the greatest human beings on this planet. Sure she got on my nerves and would tell on me if she found something I shouldn't have stashed around the house, but regardless of those things she was still my little sister.

Alice waved a small, lithe hand in front of my face, a large smile of white bringing me back from my hazy daze. I smiled at her, not putting much effort in. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

"I'm not sure, Alice. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out, huh?" I questioned back at her, my eyebrows raised and a playful smile on my face. She didn't smile back, though. Instead she pursed her lips and nodded her head, getting comfortable on my bed. I sighed at my failed attempt at humor and let my head hit my pillow on the floor.

This was how things had been going since she was diagnosed. Alice would always get into my bed before I was ready to sleep. She'd take up the entire thing, leaving me with no choice but to sleep on her floor. I could have slept in her bed or even the guest bedroom, but I didn't want to. I think it was mostly because I was scared something would happen to Alice during the night. I think she feared it, too.

It was a nightly routine now. She'd sleep in my bed and I'd sleep on the floor next to it. We'd usually talk a little bit before we fell asleep. That was done, and now we'd go another night hoping the next day would be a good day. Sadly enough, that was a rarity. Our real hopes went to wanting Alice not to have cancer; not to be sick.

But we all know prayers never really work.

-:-

I felt cold hands on my arm. "Edward, wake up. You've got to get to school. It's your first day," my father's words buzzed in my ears.

"I don't want to," I mumbled, feeling unconsciousness making its way back to me.

"Edward!" a voice boomed. "If you want a ride get your ass up!"

"I'm good, thanks," I said while my mouth was being smothered by my pillow. Everyone left me alone then, which I was glad for. But, unluckily, I did not go back to sleep. I hated when that happened; which was a lot. I continued to lay there with my eyes shut and mouth sighing with exasperation every ten seconds. I was slightly angry that I could no longer sleep, but I knew that I had to get up. It was my first day of tenth grade. Very vomit inducing, but in reality, there was nothing I could do.

I eventually got up, but as I made my way onto my feet I had to stand still for a moment. As the world spun around me, taking my bedroom with it, I concentrated on not passing out. I blinked slowly, yawning and stretching. I didn't mind mornings, but the actual _getting up _part was a lot of work. The first place I walked to was the bathroom. Getting my morning ritual started, I took a quick shower, realizing that I was behind. If I did want that ride from my older brother Emmett, I would need to rush.

Once clean, I got dressed in a pair of jeans and put on a yellow t-shirt. I tried looking for a pair of matching socks but gave up and put on a grey one and a white one. I stuck my feet in my sneakers, lazily tying them as I juggled with getting my backpack ready. The last thing I did before heading out of my room was putting on my black jacket.

"Em!?" I called out as I bounced down the stairs. "Are you still here?"

"Nope!" his voice responded and I heard the front door shut.

"Shit," I muttered as I flew past the living room.

"Language," my dad, Carlisle, said as he opened the door for me. He was finely dressed in his suit, his hands preoccupied with the car keys and paper work. Carlisle worked as a doctor at Forks hospital. He was one of the best. We hardly saw him anymore, especially since my parents are always monitoring Alice and chauffeuring her to the Seattle hospital and the Forks hospital. I actually didn't mind it that much, but sometimes I wished they were around more. I was surprised that my dad was even here right now.

Once outside, I pulled my hood up. The rain was coming down in light sprinkles. Emmett was already in his Jeep, getting ready to leave me if I didn't hurry. I ran to the large vehicle, hauling myself into the shelter of it. Our dad got into his black Mercedes and rushed out of the driveway, zooming through the neighborhood. Emmett backed out and drove to school; letting the stereo blast some type of music I actually didn't mind that much.

Emmett was my older brother by two years. He was oddly what you wouldn't expect. He was very muscular and was pretty popular. The first thing people would guess would be jock; football star. Truth be told, Emmett wasn't that good at sports. He was better at sculpting and making things. He spent most his time in his wood shop or art class. He loved it so that was the only thing that mattered.

He was just a big dork with a passion for art, and of course his girlfriend, Rosalie. She was one of those blonde girls that looked like they belonged in a magazine that showed of their bright smiles and bodies. Sadly enough she was a cheerleader for the crappy football team. She had a lot more potential than that, but if it made her happy I wasn't going to stop her. After all, she was the _real_ reason why Emmett was Mr. Popular. I wasn't going to let another sibling's dreams be crushed.

Forks High was slightly different than most, especially the ones you see in movies. We did have the cliques and drama, but no one really cared. In a way, we were all willing to be friends; just some of us had more secret admirers then others. It was nice, but often times I wondered what it would be like if it were one of those movies.

I didn't really fit in with any group. I mostly hung out with my two best friends, Bella and Jasper. They both belonged to different circles but they always had enough time for everyone. Bella hung out with Rosalie and Emmett's friend, even though she was in tenth grade. Jasper stuck with the stoners who could participate like normal beings, but never did.

The only thing anyone hated about high school was probably the homework and having to face your ex. Other than that it was just six hours of boredom. Nothing to get that excited about. I'd prefer to be sleeping, maybe even in my own bed for once. That was the only thing I didn't like about school, though. Here we were going on about our lives while Alice was in the hospital getting tests done. Today was supposed to be her first day of third grade. She was so excited for it, too.

Emmett pulled into the school parking lot. It was full of students and ugly cars. No teen in Forks owned a good car, it was sad but true. I hopped out, pulling my red backpack onto my shoulders and heading for the familiar spot where my friends and I would meet at. I walked through the lot, passing by old faces and some new ones; mostly freshman. I walked until I was touching the school building, making my way behind it. And like I knew he would be, Jasper was already there, leaning against the wall looking like one of those cowboy silhouettes people use as decorations for their house.

"Since when do you smoke?" I called out to him, watching him stick a cigarette in between his lips. His head snapped to the left, into my direction.

"Since when did you start looking like an emo?" he retorted.

I came to an immediate halt and raised my eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"What's with the hair? And the clothes? You fucking look like Alice!" he laughed.

I stood there for a moment. I looked the same as always had, I felt the same. Sure my hair had gotten a little longer, but I mean, Jasper grew his some too. What's the big deal?

"Dude, relax," he said suddenly, walking towards me. "I was just messing with you. Who knew you were such a girl?"

"Shut up," I muttered.

We both walked to the place where he had been standing. We leaned back against the brick building and stared at the large forest in front of us. It was what we always did for the past two years, nothing would change. At least, I hoped not. I wasn't a big fan of change.

"Edward? Jasper?" a girl's voice called out. Jasper and I turned our heads to the left, spotting Bella as she turned the corner. I have to admit, my jaw dropped a little bit. I hadn't seen Jasper or Bella much over the summer. Jasper had gone to summer camp and Bella went to Phoenix to be with her mother. I figured she'd change a little bit, but not this much.

Her pre-teen curves had turned into the shape of a woman's. Her brown hair had grown longer and wasn't just dull or straight. It had curls and even seemed darker then before. She wore a pair of tight jeans and a cute, blue sweater. She looked grown up.

This was one change that I welcomed with open arms.

"Whoa. Look who got all mature on us," Jasper muttered. Bella scoffed and stopped once she made it next to us. She glared at Jasper and turned to me, her cheeks flaming.

Jasper continued. "So, anything else happened that you haven't told us about?" I smacked Jasper across his arm for giving Bella such a hard time, but that guilty look on her face had me freezing.

"Actually, I got a boyfriend."

I always knew the world was out to get me.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

New story. New things. New opportunities.

Leave a review, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts.


	2. I'm Lost At Sea

**Chapter Two - I'm Lost At Sea**

I don't think it was fair that I suddenly hated the new kid, but I did. His name was Jacob Black. He was a Californian with a passion for cars and football. He had dark skin, clarifying his ethnicity as a Native America. He said something about how he was born La Push, which only fifteen minutes away from Forks. None of that was a reason to hate him, it just proved that he was an over confident bastard who was happy in life.

I may or may not be jealous of that.

The real reason why I hated him was slightly surprising to me.

He was Bella's new boyfriend, actually, her _only_ boyfriend.

It was very odd to have someone you've known since you were six being with someone else. It wasn't that I was jealous, (I was, but that's something I'm still trying to understand.) but it was more of the fact that Bella had become this person so suddenly. She'd gone from the insecure, shy, semi-miserable girl I was used to and turned into this totally hot, incredible young woman. It was bizarre and sickening at the same time. I just couldn't comprehend the thought.

"Our little girl is growing up," Jasper commented as I came out of my thoughts. I looked up at him instead of staring blindly at my applesauce. His head was turned to the right, eyes concentrating on Bella near the new kid. He was sitting down while she stood by his side, enthusiastically participating in the loud, obnoxious conversation being shared with the members of the table. Jacob kept his eyes on her; an honest, happy smile on his lips as he watched her talk with someone. Her hand rested on his shoulder and his own was trapping her hip in his palm.

I sighed loudly, nodding in agreement at Jasper's words.

"Yep, she sure is. Wasn't it only yesterday we were putting worms down her shirt and beating up boys that talked to her?" I questioned him, a slight dramatic and faux voice of sadness escaping my mouth.

"I think we should have a funeral or something. Out with the old, in with the new, you know?" Jasper turned to me, a look of sadness and humor on his face.

"Totally. We'll get a tombstone and dig a hole in my back yard," I replied.

"Like that time we did with Sparkles?" he asked excitedly.

I pretended to wipe away a tear. "Poor little fish. You know you're supposed to flush fish down the toilet when they die, right?"

"But we wanted to see if he'd become a ghost or a zombie. Bella freaked when she found out that the goldfish could actually come back and haunt her," Jasper laughed.

I joined in. "Then we had to convince her that fish couldn't do that because they lived in water-"

Jasper continued for me, "And everyone knows things that live in water don't have souls!"

We laughed for a moment, happy to reminisce about the good times. They seemed so far away lately, almost as if they were completely gone. It was nice to know that our childhood wasn't disappearing. It was still there; just buried deep.

Way, _way_, deep.

We both sighed in sync and turned our attention back to our awful lunch. We poked at our overly greasy pizza and stabbed our corn. The cookies were stale and the applesauce tasted more like bananas then apples. At least the chocolate milk was decent.

"So how's home life?" Jasper asked.

"Not good," I replied honestly. I hadn't talked to Bella or Jasper about Alice. Truthfully, I really didn't want them to know. But they were my best friends; we didn't keep secrets from each other.

"Oh, really? What is this time? Emmett was finally caught drinking? Alice found your porno under your mattress? I told you that was a clichéd place to put it. That's the first place parents search," he droned on.

"None of the above," I breathed. He stopped his apathetic food poking long enough to look up at me. He saw it then.

"No," he said. "Not something totally horrible!"

I stared at Jasper's upset expression. Jasper had always been a part of my family, despite the fact that Esme hated his guts with a stinking passion. Jasper was a Cullen, even if he wasn't by blood.

"It's Alice," I whispered. "She has… she's got cancer, man."

It was hard to say it out loud. After all, my family had just recently gotten the news and it was tough enough to try and accept it. I knew this would break Jasper, too. He adored Alice, or should I say Alice adored him. She was absolutely smitten for him, determined to make him all hers. It was cute, really, and Jasper had a way of not breaking her heart or making it seem like he was in love with her back. It was normal for a little sister to crush on a best friend. Jasper was another brother for Alice, or at least a cousin or uncle.

"Seriously?" he questioned.

I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. "Yep. Leukemia. She was diagnosed with it last week after she was put in the hospital for the crazy fever I told you about."

"Fuck, dude. I'm sorry," he replied.

I shrugged. "It's whatever. You should probably visit her, though. Before things get worse," I advised.

His right eyebrow rose. "Do you really think that things will get worse?"

"It's cancer, remember? Things usually do."

"She'll get better. I know it," he encouraged. I nodded my head.

"I sure as hell hope so."

It was silent then, beside the buzz of the cafeteria. Jasper sat uncomfortably in his metal chair, not eating his food. I just sat uncaring, trying to keep my eyes from wandering to Bella.

"Have you told her yet?" Jasper asked with no need to emphasize who he was talking about.

"No, and I'm not sure I want to, at least, not right now. She seems busy," I commented as I finally stared at her. She was now sitting on Jacob's lap, his arms securely around her, keeping her trapped in his hold. She was laughing and smiling. She was happy.

I didn't feel like being the person who made her anything less.

The bell rang, making me a jump a little because I hadn't been expecting it. I stood up, grabbing my bag off the floor and picked up my tray. Jasper and I walked side by side as we dumped our food in the trash and set the tray above it. We walked out of the cafeteria, stepping into the rain.

"I need a smoke," Jasper muttered. He turned to me while pulling his hood up. "I'll see ya in Algebra?"

"Sure thing," I said as he walked into the parking, planning to sluff his next class. I noticed he was headed towards a small group of kids. Jasper's other friends, obviously. I ignored the slim jealousy and headed to Biology.

Once inside the warm, cozy room I took my seat way in the back. I preferred being in the back of all my classes. I hated having eyes on the back of my head and besides, being the back meant you were less noticed, something that I enjoyed.

I threw my bag on the table, making a big show of sitting down. There were only a few others in here and it was slowly filling up. I kept my eye on the door, waiting for Bella to come in. We'd gotten our school schedules a month ago and I had called Bella to find out what classes we had together. We had this, English and Driver's Ed together, but that class wasn't until next semester.

She appeared in the door, her eyes finding mine first. She smiled widely, excitement taking place around her. I was glad to see she was so enthused. I waved at her, motioning for her to come sit next to me. She waved back, and turned her attention on something or someone behind her. Jacob appeared through the doorway then, putting his arm around Bella's waist. My happiness faded then as he guided her to an open table. Bella grinned at me, a slight shrug with her shoulders.

I sighed as I realized that we wouldn't be sitting together. But hey, they were never assigned seats. Maybe I'd get a chance to sit with her someday. I put my arms on the table, crossing them and resting my chin on top of my hands. It kind of hurt, but I wasn't really in a caring mood to make my body more comfortable. In the corner of my eye I saw someone sit next to me, but I didn't really want to move to see who it was. But I think I already knew.

"Hey, man!" Mike's voice chimed in.

I turned my head into his direction.

"Hey," I replied nonchalantly.

"How was your summer?" he asked while getting comfortable. He tore of his jacket and put on the back of his chair, along with his backpack. I winced at the sound of him pulling his chair closer to the table but got over it quickly.

"Boring, like usual. I went camping a few times, though. What about you?"

He smiled. "I went to NYC."

I was shocked. "New York? Whoa! Lucky!"

"I know! It was amazing, dude. You should go some time," he recommended.

"Yeah, I'll just hitchhike my way there," I joked back. The bell rang and the teacher called for the class's attention.

Mike and I groaned. He and I both hated science of any form, and we really would have preferred to just sit and do nothing. I'd known Mike since forever. We were friends, but we weren't best friends. We only hung out in school, unless there was big thing happening which involved seeing each other outside the learning facility. He was a cool guy; we had many of the same interests.

But he had the major hots for Bella, and sometimes he'd get a little carried away when she was around him. I sometimes wondered if I was going to have to beat him up for it, though.

The class was really just one big orientation. Mr. Banner discussed the things we'd do and learn about, even telling us the rules of his classroom. It was really pointless. We'd all had him for Earth Science last year. The rules were exactly the same.

The first thing we did to kick off the new year in biology was watch a Planet Earth video. This was about animals in the wild jungle of Brazil. (I think it was the Amazon. I really wasn't paying attention.)While sitting in the dark we stared at a large screen, a voice told us about the wondrous creatures that were living in the jungle. It was boring, really. But I found myself not even watching it after awhile.

I kept my attention locked on Bella and Jacob. They were flirting and being annoying. I kind of wanted to scream for them to shut up, but I just couldn't. Instead, I sat there and listened to Bella's giggles and his chuckles. They were trying to be inconspicuous, but it was hard not to notice.

"Miss. Swan and Mr. Black, please be quiet," Mr. Banner finally called out.

I felt a smug smile pull at my lips and I watched as they quickly gave up their little game. They didn't do anything for the entire time, except for the occasional side eye and blushing. Mr. Banner shut off the movie and turned the lights back on. The entire class groaned as we readjusted our eyes and had to sit up straight.

The bell rang shortly after and the teacher reminded us to get our disclosures turned in tomorrow. We all ignored him and walked out of the classroom, heading to our last class of the day. As I made my way down the hall to Algebra, I heard my name being called by an unfamiliar voice. I turned my head around and spotted Jacob Black running through a crowd of students, his eyes intent on me. I stopped walking long enough to let him catch up.

"Hey," he breathed once he was caught up.

"'Sup?" I asked, raising my chin up quickly.

He shrugged. "You have Algebra next, right?"

"Yeah, how'd you know about that?" I questioned him suspiciously.

"Bella told me," he quickly responded.

"Oh, right," I said in a bummed tone.

"I have it, too," he spoke, starting to walk with me. We put our heads forward and pushed our way through the buzzing halls. We didn't talk the entire time, but we continued to walk side by side. It was slightly awkward and I had a feeling he could feel my un-originated hatred for him.

Once inside the class we broke apart only to end up next to each other in ours seats. He smiled at me as if we were friends, I grinned back, but it was slightly sarcastic. I saved the other seat for Jasper, who showed up a little late to class. He smiled widely at a group of girls, high fiving some kid as he walked by. I blinked nonchalantly as he sat down beside me.

"Hola," he whispered in an enthusiastic tone.

"Howdy," I replied, trying to pay attention to the teacher and her horrible monologue of things I did not care about.

"Why the fuck are you sitting next to the new kid?" he asked in a harsh, hushed tone.

"Why the fuck is the new kid sitting next to _me_ is the better question," I retorted.

"Quiet back there!" Mr. Matthews roared, her eyes snapping to me and Jasper in the back of the classroom. We closed our mouths and readied ourselves for the rest of the class. At least it was the last one for the day.

Jasper nudged me on the shoulder and I rolled my head to him. He leaned over and I met him halfway.

"You should let me come over to your house after school," he whispered.

I snorted. "Even if I said no you'd still come over."

"True," he stated. "Then it's a deal. I'm coming over."

"You're so weird," I replied as I sat correctly in my seat.

Eventually, the bell rang and Jacob launched out of his chair, rushing out the door. I rolled my eyes at the fact that he was probably trying to beat Bella to her locker and pulled on my backpack. I followed Jasper's lead out the door and we walked outside and met up with Emmett at his Jeep. He was already inside waiting for us, a bored look on his face.

"Hey, Em," Jasper said as he climbed into the back.

"Hey, Jazz," Emmett replied.

I got in and strapped the seat belt on, getting a worried glance from my big brother.

"What?" I asked a little rudely.

"I'm just wondering what happened to Alice today," he whispered. He glanced at Jasper who was talking to someone through the open window beside him."Does Jasper know?"

"Yeah, I told him at lunch. Did you tell anyone?" I questioned back.

"Nah, not yet."

Quickly after that small exchange, Emmett pulled out of the Forks High parking lot and headed for our home. It didn't take long to get home, and as soon as we were there we were searching for Esme's car, which was securely parked in the driveway. Once the jeep was parked next to it, we all jumped out and made our way inside the large home.

"Mom? Alice?" Emmett called out once inside. We got no response and we headed for the living room. Esme sat on the white couch, her face in her hands and her legs shaking.

"Mom?" I asked. Her head snapped up to reveal red, puffy eyes and a face of pain.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked, worry slipping from his voice.

"The doctor's told Alice that she'd be starting Chemotherapy in a few days. They told her all the things that would happen. We just got back a few minutes ago, but when she found out that she'd lose her hair, she sort of, well, go see for yourself," our mother spoke quietly, a sob in her throat. She threw her arm towards the direction of the kitchen. Emmett sat with our mom and I took that as my cue to figure out what was going on with our little sister.

I tossed my backpack to the blonde behind me and told him to meet me in my room. He nodded his head and started for the stairs while I walked into the kitchen. I heard mumbling from the side of the large room and I turned my head to the left. Alice had her back to me, standing on the dining table with a pair of scissors in her hand. She took one strand of long black hair in fingers and cut it off, letting it fall on top of the dining table. Her red shoes were surrounded by black hairs that had come off her head. I nearly gasped at the sight.

Alice was very protective of her hair. It was long enough to touch her lower back and she demanded a bath daily. She would not stand for hair to be touched by anyone other than her or Esme. That black curtain of small ringlets and shine was her security blanket, and she was getting rid of it.

"Alice?" I called out in a mousey voice. She turned around and glared at me, her blue eyes dark and small.

"Guess what, Edward? My hair is going to fall off! I've decided that I'd cut it to make it easier," she said to me matter-of-factly. She grabbed a fistful of hair and let the scissors at it, repeatedly cutting as the silver tried to eat its way through her locks.

I stood there and watched, not sure what I could do. Alice was determined to do this, and I wasn't going to stop her. She'd taken this whole cancer thing like she'd been told she couldn't have ice-cream; she just shrugged it off. But something as dramatic as her not having hair really took a toll on her.

You could feel the madness.

She grabbed another fistful of hair, cutting it, making it ragged and broken. I held back sudden fear and sorrow as they big clump fell beside her feet. I sat down on the kitchen floor, crossing my legs and watched her in horror.

She had tears streaking down her face, leaving trails of her own fear and grief. I was watching a train wreck. The pain it caused me to see my little sister like this was indescribable, sadly enough I knew this was only the beginning of what I'd see – of what I'd feel.

More and more hair fell to her feet, along with her large tears. It all became too much for her. The scissors dropped from her hands, bouncing off the dining table and landing on the kitchen floor with a loud ping. Her small, pale hands wondered up to her head where most her hair was gone. It was now in spikes, some strands longer than the other. As her fingers ran through it, she began to shake as loud sobs escaped her tiny chest.

She cried and cried, nearly screaming. I sat on the ground unable to move, unable to let my eyes leave the sight of my sister. I wanted to comfort her, but I just couldn't do anything. I felt horrible. I just sat there and hoped that she'd stop, prayed that she'd smile and everything would be okay.

I heard the sound of someone walking behind me, but I was too entranced by Alice's breakdown to see who it was. I spotted the back of Jasper as he walked towards her. Her blue eyes stayed glued on him as she tried to control herself. He put his hands on either side of her face, trying to calm her.

"It's okay, Ali. I'm here. Everything's going to be okay," he crooned to her. She whimpered and threw her arms around his neck, pulling her small body into his as her racking sobs started up again. He held her in his arms, taking the role of the big brother.

It should have been me holding her in my arms, me telling her that everything was okay.

Instead I sat here like a coward, afraid that she'd hurt me or herself.

I somehow willed myself up and onto my feet, turning slowly and heading out of the kitchen. I walked past my brother and mother who were both wondering what had happened with Alice. I wanted to bark questions back. "Why didn't you come in?" – "Why didn't you stop her?" – "Why are you two sitting here?"

I said nothing.

I walked up the stairs and into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me as I collapsed on my bed.

I could still hear Alice crying, and I hated the fact that they'd get much worse in the dooming future.

**

* * *

Author's Note** –

HAI DERE MY NAME IS BRITZ.

And now that I'm done being forced to say that by TRDancer and paranoia'SPLASH, I'll say something else.

This story is going to be quite sad, but think of it as a coming-of-age story. In case you haven't noticed, the characters are slightly OOC but I'm trying to keep some things canon. Couples, personalities, features, etc.

Thoughts?


	3. The Mask You Put On

**Chapter Three** – **The Mask You Put On**

_"No, no, no. That's not it at all. It's just things are going to get hectic and we could really use your help." _

The sound of my mother's voice droned through my walls, making me slightly curious and annoyed. I was unaware who she was talking to, only that she was on the phone. It was almost midnight and she'd finally gotten a chance to relax, but clearly that was not happening. She was standing out in the hall near my bedroom door, trying to keep quiet but failing.

_"I'll pay you. Please, I'm just asking for this one thing. The kids' love you, especially Alice. She'd be glad to have you in her life, we all would."_

It was then that I knew who she was speaking to, Aunt Tanya. Although, she liked us to just call her Tanya. She was our half aunt; only part of our family by marriage. She had married Esme's brother, but even before then she and my mother were the best of friends. But after Esme met Carlisle, (this is what I heard) their friendship fell apart slightly. Only once in a while would they talk to each other. Sometimes caught off guard, my mom would receive a spontaneous letter and she'd cry. Joyous, of course, and partially sad.

I've always known that my mother was often lonely and in dire need of a companion, but I never knew what to do. She longed for her family and old friends. After her and Carlisle got married, they were forced to leave California and come here to Forks. My father had been offered a full time position as a doctor in Forks Hospital, and he happily took it. Esme obligated and joined him, her mind forgetting everything as our family began.

_"Thank you so much, Tanya. You have no idea how much this means to me."_

Esme walked out of the hallway then, making me feel slightly suspicious of the whole thing. I let it go and turned on my side, the feel of my hip bone digging into the hard ground beneath me. I figured after Alice's meltdown she wouldn't have slept in my bedroom, but as soon as Jasper calmed her she acted like nothing happened. Esme and Carlisle disapproved of the incident, at least, somewhat. Esme just shook her head and told Alice they could fix it. Carlisle, on the other, came home and found her eating ice cream on the table where her hair had been and sighed.

Carlisle was sort of getting on my nerves. It wasn't that he was annoying me or pissing me off, it was just the fact that he was becoming apathetic and nonchalant to this whole thing. He was one of those husbands who obligated his life for his family; which was very wrong. Carlisle needed to be doing things that made him happy, not just putting up with us.

But if I knew my father like I did, it wouldn't be this way for too long.

-:-

"….and then Ms. Samson said that she'd like to see me enter the art show. What do you think?" Emmett questioned me, but I wasn't listening very well. I was in a daze, staring out the window, contemplating the many things in my head.

"That sounds great, Em. I say go for it."

I could hear him smile. "Thanks, it's nice to know my little brother supports me."

That caught me off guard.

I turned my head towards him, his dark blue eyes occupied on the wet road ahead of him.

"Of course I support you, Em. I always will, depending on the situation. But art is something you love to do. I'll always have your back for that," I said to him, my tone serious.

He looked at me, his eyes going wide. "Oh, no. That's not it. I know you support me in that."

"Then what are you talking about?" I questioned.

He sighed and his grip tightened on his steering wheel last night. "Well, honestly," he began, "out of our whole family, you're the only one who really supports me in anything. I'm glad that I can have at least one person during this 'time of crisis' that's sticking with me."

"Em," I started, taking a deep breath. "I have a feeling it's going to be just me and you a lot during this 'time of crisis.'

He laughed and nodded his head, pulling into the Forks High parking lot. He parked next to the Cherry Red convertible, which was a given seeing as how Rosalie Hale was getting out. I watched a large smile grow on Emmett's face, his dimples forming in his cheeks and his dark blue eyes glistening with happiness. I continued to admire Emmett as he climbed out of the Jeep, rushing to the blonde-bombshell's side. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her into him, lifting her feet off the ground as he kissed her.

Rosalie seemed to glow at this, her expression slightly embarrassed as she glanced at the other people watching. But even through her surprising shyness, she still couldn't' hide the obvious love that she held for my brother. That's the only thing I was jealous of my brother – true and infinite love. Any high school couple could tell you they were in love, but only because they deluded themselves to think it. If you asked Rosalie or Emmett, their answer would be true and pure.

Like both of them.

"Edward, hey," the voice of Mike Newton breathed. I turned my glance away from the happy couple and looked out the passenger window, spotting a blonde haired boy. I nodded my head at him as I climbed out of the vehicle.

"Hey," I replied once on my feet. I slammed the door shut and pulled my backpack onto my shoulders.

"Can I ask you a question?" Mike looked over his shoulder for a moment; as if afraid someone would hear him.

I shrugged my shoulders and started heading for the school. "I guess."

He walked along side me, suddenly very antsy. "You're friends with Lauren Mallory, right?"

I smiled with humor. "I wouldn't put it that way, exactly."

"Well, you've talked to her before, right?" he persisted.

"Yeah, sure."

He took a deep breath. "Do you think you'd be willing to do me a favor?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering as to what he could possible want from me.

"Depends…" I replied.

"You know that party she's having on Friday? Well, the thing is I didn't get invited. And I was thinking that if I showed up with you, they'd be cool with me hanging out," he spoke quickly, his voice jumbling up a few times.

I laughed once as we entered the school, warmth coating our bodies and adding a sudden fatigue to our minds.

"Let me get this straight, you want to use me to get into a party? That's a little low, don't you think. Why won't they let you come? I mean, fuck, everyone's going to be there, even the ones that Lauren hates."

"Well…Jessica has in her mind that I'm some creepy perv," he said.

I coughed a laugh. "And why would she think that?" _Why _wouldn't _she think that? _my mind corrected.

We came to a stop at my locker. I quickly put in the combo and prepared for the things I would need during school.

"Because I accidently groped her in gym class yesterday."

"How do you accidently grope someone?" I asked back with a loud laugh.

"Look, I'd rather not talk about it," he stated angrily. "Will you do this for me or not?"

I sighed and shoved my biology book in my bag. "Friday night?"

"Yeah, six."

"I guess I could do this one favor for you," I said to him.

His blue eyes got wide and he pumped his fist by his side.

"Sweet. Thanks so much, dude. I owe you."

With that he ran off, heading towards his other friends I suppose. I shook my head at the fact that I'd agreed to go to a Lauren Mallory party. The last time I went I got puked on by Jessica Stanley after she tried flirting with me. It was awful and I learned to stay away from those girls during their drunken behaviors. In other words, I never went to one of their parties again. I never really liked the parties from the start. Everyone was either drunk, getting drunk, hooking up, or doing illegal shit that I just preferred not to be around. It was awkward and uncomfortable for me to go, but yet I agreed to Mike's wish.

Sometimes I wish there was rewind button in life.

The first bell rang, warning everyone they had ten minutes to class. Most kids ignored this bell, but seeing as how I had nothing better to do I headed off to English. The halls were dimly lit, in need of a change of fluorescent lights. The sound of lockers slamming and girls squealing with happiness echoed off the walls and bounced into my ears, making me grimace at the noise. I just wanted a few minutes of quiet; luckily I'd get that in my class.

And once again what I wanted didn't happen.

I stepped into the open classroom. It was basically empty, if you don't count the two kids making out on a desk. I coughed loudly, making them pull apart immediately.

Bella's brown eyes met contact with mine and I felt myself grow shocked. I hadn't expected the couple to be her and him, but yet it was. Jacob Black smiled at me, but almost awkwardly. This whole thing was awkward, after all.

"Hey, Edward," he greeted, a small shake of his palm.

I clucked my tongue and eyed them both, walking towards me desk in the back.

"It's Tuesday!" Jacob stated enthusiastically. "It's that much closer to Friday."

I stared at him, my interest clearly showing its true colors.

"Hey, Jake. I need to talk to Edward for a minute. I'll meet you out in the hall," Bella said to her obnoxious boyfriend. He grinned at her and nodded his head, bending his head down to kiss her. She gladly kissed him back, which made me grow a little more agitated.

I watched her as she watched him leave the classroom. Once he was gone, she snapped her head towards me, her brown eyes glaring viciously.

"What's your problem?" she asked harshly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I clarified.

She stood up from the desk, walking over towards me. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a red shirt, her brown hair floating freely across her shoulders. As she moved closer to me, I could see why she looked angrier then imagined. She was wearing eyeliner.

_Bella Swan wearing makeup?_ I thought to myself. _Did I die or something?_

"You know exactly what I'm talking about! Why are you being such a dick to Jacob?"she hissed at me, her palms slapping on my desk.

I decided to take this thing to a different level. For some odd reason, I wanted her to be pissed. I usually was always trying to make her happy and calm, but not this time.

"I'm not being a dick. I thought I was being very welcome," I retorted in a snarky tone while pulling things out of my backpack.

"You've been giving him the cold shoulder! And what was that just a few seconds ago? He just wants to be your friend, Edward. Why are you being so…so…reluctant?" she spoke loudly, her tone growing smaller at the end.

"I'm not. I'm just dignifying my rights to choose who I want as a friend and who I don't," I stated.

She stared at me for a moment, her brown eyes searching for something in the depths of my green. She let out a shaky laugh then and shook her head. "Whatever."

She walked away then, heading out into the hallway where Jacob was waiting for her.

Suddenly then, I felt sick to my stomach. I wasn't quite sure why, just that…I was guilty. The bell rang then, making my thoughts concentrate on the kids entering. I watched Bella return and take her seat where she had been making out with Jacob. She sat between Lauren and Angela, her gaze only ever once meeting mine; it was a look of disappointment, and I hated seeing it there.

Jasper walked into class, his blond curls soaked straight as he shook of the wetness on his backpack. His cheeks were slightly red, but that was only because for him it had been colder outside then it was for the others. He looked at me, his eyebrows rising up and his blue eyes sparking against the light.

"Hey," he breathed, taking a seat beside me. I took this time to take in his appearance. His hoodie he slipped off revealed a damp grey shirt. His jeans were also wet and I snorted at the sight of his shoes. Jasper had always been a strange friend, but this was a little out there, even for him.

"Really, Jazz?" I asked, staring at his feet. He glanced down.

"Oh," he smiled, "Yeah."

Jasper wore two different shoes, both the same type. On his right foot as a purple converse and on his left was a green one.

"Want to tell me what's up with your wet, odd appearance…and the shoes?" I puzzled him.

He took a deep breath. "This morning, I woke up a bit late. I couldn't find any matching pairs of shoes anywhere. I had no choice but to where these two, or where none at all." He turned to me, looking me straight in the eyes. "You know, being barefoot during school hours is against the dress code."

I snorted. "Nice to know."

"But yeah, anyway. I missed the bus and my mom had already left for work. I had to ride my bike, and as I was riding past the road a car zoomed by and splashed me with some water. But it's alright," he said, stopping the conversation because the final bell rang.

Our teacher jumped into his lesson, but most of us ignored him – especially me and Jasper.

"So Mallory's party? You goin'?" Jasper whispered.

"Uh, yeah, I am," I answered back quietly.

"You are?" He sounded shocked, but then again he was there the night I stormed out of Lauren's house with puke all over my shirt shouting, "I'm never going to a fucking party again!"

I nodded my head, trying to multi-task by both writing down notes Mr. Mason was spitting out and Jasper's jabber.

"Yeah, uh. Mike needed me to go with him so he could get in or something like that," I mumbled.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Sounds like a date or some gay shit like that."

"I'm just helping a friend out," I retorted, not in the mood to go on a full outrage.

"Sure, that's what you're doing," he said back. I ignored him this time, not really carrying what he said or thought. After all, he'd do the same thing for me as I would do for him. Mike was my friend, and as much as Jasper hated him, it was staying that way. Friends were friends, and in truth I was grateful for them, even though I could really care less if they existed or not.

But I suddenly felt myself grow cold at these words. Mike was one of my friends that annoyed the shit out of me, yet I did him a favor. Bella, on the other hand, was my best friend and yet I refuse to be friends with Jacob. What was wrong with this picture?

Sure I could give Jacob a chance and be friends with him, but what do we have in common? Nothing, most likely. And truth be told, I really didn't want to be with both him and Bella, when at any moment they could become very lovie dovie over each other. It would be like witnessing you're parents doing it; it's awkward, it's disturbing, and it's just something you don't need to see.

I pushed aside the thoughts and concentrated on class, only finding myself nodding off slightly. The bell woke me up and I immediately jumped up and grabbed my things, heading out of the class. I felt a hand wrap around my wrist as I stepped out into the buzzing halls. I looked behind me to see Bella there, a distant stare in here chocolate circles. She pulled me to the side so we were ramming up to lockers with our shoulders. People gave us irritated snarls and glares, angry that they had to walk around us.

"What? I need to get to gym," I said to her, my tone impatient.

"Look, I understand if you don't like Jacob. But really, give him a chance. That's all I ask, please," she begged.

I sighed. "And if I don't?"

She thought those words over for a second. "Well, then. I guess we're not friends anymore."

I turned away from her after a small moment of silence, walking off towards my gym class. I looked over my shoulder to see her staring back, hurt on her face. My mind grew suddenly wary at that point, hazy, too. I snapped my head forward then, not daring to look at her for a moment longer.

Had she really just wagered our friendship over mine and Jacob's? Sure I could understand her not wanting me to straight up hate her boyfriend, but _our_ friendship ending because of it? It seemed blasphemous, really, it did. Bella and I had never gotten to the point where our love and loyalty were tested and spouted - where they were gone.

I really had only one option left if I wanted Bella to be in my best friend forever, or anything more.

Become friends with Jacob.

The thought alone had me sick to my stomach, and for the first time in a long time, I was calling home sick; truly, and honestly ill to the core.

**

* * *

A/N** -

TRDancer's alternative scene for the after-class talk: "Know what dude? You're a fucking retard. Be fucking nice to mah bf, no wut I mean? Yeah, biznatch." *stalk off*

She makes me giggle, even though she was no help at all. Thanks for all the support everyone, I really appreciate it. This chapter was slightly dull, but I have many things planned. So kick back and relax, or do whatever you do when you read fanfic. Feel free to drop a review, I always reply back. :)


	4. Windows Close Forever

**Chapter Four – Windows Close Forever**

I would have rather suffered in school then suffer with my father. It would be worse if he was suffering, as well. But alas, it was just I with the tummy ache and him with the irritation. It was oddly unfair, but regardless of the situation, we were together. However, if I could change just one thing about this, I'd change the fact that we weren't doing anything.

My father and I had always had a good relationship. Well, if you count isolation and silent treatment as a relationship, we were pros. It wasn't that we hated each other; in fact, it was quite the opposite, sort of. We liked each other. I guess you could even say love. But somehow we'd gotten to a point of not even realizing the other was there. We were walls to each other, and that was it.

You could say I missed the old us, the days when we'd camp out in the backyard, or the times he'd let me pretend to be a doctor. My father and I used to be best friends, but as the years went on we lost touch with each other. I accepted this – I always would. But half of me wondered if we'd ever be the same. Probably not, though. My dad was…distanced. Not just from me, but from us all.

My dad was a ghost now. I'm not sure when it happened, or even if it was a big transition. He was dead, yet living.

I sat on the living room couch. Dad sat beside me, his foot kicked up on the coffee table and his hand buzzing around the remote. I had my legs folded into me, my arms clutching my stomach as it roared with pain. I clutched my jaws shut and made sure not to cry out no matter how much I wanted to curse at my insides. I hated being in pain, but somehow, at this exact moment, I knew Alice was in far much more pain then I was.

The realization made my ache go away and sent a sudden, selfish relief through my body.

"Son?" Carlisle called out, taking in my wary stare. I turned my eyes from the pictures on the TV and glanced at him.

"Yeah?" I asked.

His blue eyes examined me for a moment. In an odd way, it was almost as if he'd seen me the first time. Complete wonder and curiosity, yet that little knowledge of knowing I was a stranger. Carlisle stared at me like I was dangerous. I had half the whim to laugh at him and leave, but I didn't.

"What?"I asked once more.

He shook his head and grinned half-heartedly. His eyes went back to the television and mine followed shortly after.

When my dad picked me up from school, I was shocked.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I had questioned him.

"Well, yes. But if you remember correctly, you're mother is very busy with Alice. I had no choice but to pick you up," he explained.

"Are you going to go back?"

He shook his head. "I'm not feeling too well myself."

"Oh."

And so here we were. Both of us sat on the couch together and watched re-runs of The Office. We laughed in sync and somehow throughout the day I really started to miss the old us. I wanted to say something to him, but I wasn't ready. Truth be told, I didn't think he was ready to hear it.

"Hello?" Emmett's voice boomed from the front door.

"In here!" I shouted back.

Emmett appeared in the living room then, Rosalie in hand. She smiled at Carlisle and I, yet almost wary of being here. Emmett rarely brought anyone home. I wasn't sure if it was because he was ashamed, or if maybe he figured he'd be better off in someone else's home. It made me curious. But I let it go.

"Hey, Edward?" Rosalie spoke to me. I was shocked that she actually was talking to me. As far as I knew, Rose didn't like me.

Unsurely I said, "Uh…yeah?"

"Em and I are going out. Want to join us?" she asked sweetly. I felt my forehead crease with the worry and suspicion.

"Edward's a bit under the weather today. Maybe another time?" Carlisle cut in. If it were anyone else or any other situation I would have been grateful. But this was Rosalie, and in no way, shape, or form would Rosalie Hale ever, _ever_ ask me out to do something; regardless if someone was with us or not.

"Its fine, dad," I quickly said, "I'm good enough to go out."

And out I went.

--

I've never been so unsure of a hamburger in my life.

The three of us went to a fast food place, which was usual for me and Emmett. We were served fast food eight times a week, and yes, it's possible. We all ordered the same, simple thing; burgers, fries, and soda. Healthy dinner, that's us.

We took our seats at a booth in the dark corner so we could get a window view. It gave us all something to do while we ate awkwardly. As we waited for them to prepare our food, we sat in silence. And then when it was time to pick the food up when our number was called, Rosalie offered to get it.

And that is why I did not want to touch my food. In those few seconds of her getting up and walking to the counter she could have put some weird poison it my food. Or worse, glitter or some girlie shit like that. I really didn't want to take the chance, but the last time I ate was yesterday lunch. I was at the point where I'd eat my own flesh.

Emmett gladly ate his, ignoring the mess he was making and the stares from the other kids. Rosalie ate like the pretty princess she was; careful bites and a napkin in hand at all time. It was then that I wondered where this sudden hatred (hate's a strong word….dislike?) towards her. It was very strange, and I only realized that it had happened recently.

I'd always liked Rosalie. She was good for my brother, nice towards my friends and family. She was even nice to me - most the time. Ever since this summer when she and Emmett had a sort of fall out and I said some nasty lies about her, only to cheer up Emmett, did this tension grow between us. I explained to her that I didn't mean anything I said, and that I was sorry. She accepted happily, but I could still see the resentment in her eyes.

And then once more, I had a wall between me and someone else.

I sighed and reached towards my burger, pushing away all thoughts of my death from it. But a cold breeze ran through the warm building, and Emmett and Rosalie's eyes snapped behind my shoulder. They both smiled and I looked back only to see Jacob Black walking towards us.

"You guys have to see this," he said breathlessly.

"What is it?" Rosalie questioned with a semi-curious, grumpy tone.

Jacob started again, "It's a dog, and he's hurt. Come see."

Both the two of them got up, leaving their barely empty trays at the table. I would have stayed, I should have stayed, but I really didn't want to look like a loser who just got ditched and was forced to eat alone. It was lame, and even if I _was_ lame, I didn't want to appear that way.

I followed them out the door and into the cold night, my arms automatically wrapping around my body. Winter was going to be a bitch, obviously. It was almost fall, which meant that our weather would decide to be winter. Living in a cold state sucked. I'd give anything to be in California or Florida…maybe even Arizona.

We walked to the end of the parking lot where I spotted the familiar body of Bella. I stopped dead in my tracks, cursed God, and then wondered if I should turn back. But as soon as I saw Jacob's hand land on Bella's back I walked forward, not willing to seem like a coward or hurt from the two.

"Oh, Jacob!" Bella crooned, "The poor thing! We need to take it to the vet or something!"

"Bells, the vet's in Port Angeles, that's too far, especially if I have to get you back by your curfew."

"It's five," I commented rudely.

Bella's brown eyes snapped up and towards me.

"When I'm with Jacob, Charlie gives me curfews," she said.

I rolled my eyes. "Imagine that."

Bella glared at me, of course, and then turned towards Emmett and Rosalie.

"What happened?" Rosalie asked Bella, kneeling with her and looking over the hurt animal.

"I'm not sure. Jacob and I pulled up and as we got out we heard him."

"You didn't hit him, did you?" Emmett asked, joining the two.

"I don't think so," Jacob responded. "I think he was like this before we showed up."

"Edward?" Emmett spoke looking towards me. "Come see."

All their eyes followed me, making me feel rather small and nervous. The only thing I was doing was walking, why'd I feel like I was in a beauty pageant? I stood over Rose's and Bella's shoulders, looking down at the small dog.

He was white and brown, small – a terrier I think. He was folded into himself, his head trying to be hidden by his short legs. His left back leg was matted with blood and looked a little blue. I reached down and touched it, he whined. I felt suddenly bad for the poor animal.

"What should we do?" I asked then, looking at Emmett.

"Someone should take it home. I'm sure one of our parents can take it to the vet," he said. "What about your mom, Rose? She doesn't work."

Rosalie sort of glared at Emmett, but quickly shifted her gaze back down at the dog.

"Mom hates dogs. She'd freak if I took him home. What about you, Jacob? Aren't you dog-friendly?" The way she said that I'd say she was mocking him. Jacob stared at her lifelessly and she grimaced at him. I half wondered if I wasn't the only one who didn't like him. I felt almost smug about that.

"Actually, _Rosalie_," he said almost rudely back. "My father is allergic to dogs, just like Bella's mom."

"Yeah, but Charlie's not. Bella can take him," Rose retorted.

Bella shook her head. "I can't. Charlie hates animals."

"I'll take him," I muttered, sick and tired of this back and forth talk.

"Like Dad and Mom would allow a dog! Come on Edward! Use that brain of yours," Emmett grunted.

I walked through the small space the girls had created and bent down, picking up the dog. It whined and wiggled in my arms, but once it realized that I wasn't going to harm him, he called down, his small body shivering from the cold.

"Our parent's have souls, Emmett. Cut them some slack," I nearly growled. Emmett stared at me with his big blue eyes, confusion in his stare. I had never been one to defend my parents, but after all, they _were_ my parents.

"Whatever. Just don't blame me when you get in trouble," he spoke as he helped Rosalie up.

"Don't blame me when you lose your balls," I muttered as I walked past them to his Jeep.

"I heard that!" he yelled back at me.

I snorted. "You were supposed to!"

That's when the comments started coming in.

"…so immature…"

"…doesn't understand anything…"

"…hopeless…"

"…dick…"

Sad part about this all, the first three were from Emmett, the last one from Bella. I'd like to say that it didn't hurt, but coming from two of the people I loved most in the world made it extra painful.

We all talk about people behind our backs. We say shit about our friends and never think twice about it. But when you hear that your friend said something mean about you, you become a hypocrite. It's painful, but you were the first to cause pain. All in all, everyone's fucked up; we just don't like to think about it.

I climbed into the car, small dog in arms, and stared angrily at the darkness. In the corner of my eye I could see the four of them laughing, smiling – being friendly. Why? Because they were friends. Once upon a time, it used to be just me and Bella; just me and Emmett. But things change.

Eventually, Jacob and Bella went inside. Em and Rose started towards the car, but of course they had to take their own sweet time with it. They held hands and kissed, staring up at the stars. It was in that moment, _their moment_, that all my callousness towards them faded. I had a soft spot for love, only because it was a feeling that I had yet to really and truly feel.

When they finally got into the car, I was given the cold shoulder. They ignored me, mostly. When they did say something to me it was, well, cold and hard. I gladly accepted it and kept my attention on the dog or outside. We dropped off Rosalie first, and Emmett walked her to her door and then had a full on make-out session. I hoped that her step-dad would catch them, but to my luck, of course, nothing happened. I transitioned my seating and moved into the passenger seat, making sure not to hurt the dog.

Emmett finally returned, his lips pink and a pitched tent in his pants. I snorted at him and he just stared at me as if I were invisible. This kid was love-struck, and sadly enough, I was envious of where he was mentally right now.

"Man, I love that girl," he said, a large smile on his face. His dimples were so deep, as were his eyes.

"Really? I just thought that you liked her a whole lot. I mean, why else would you have gotten a boner just by swapping spit?" I said rudely and humorously.

"Shut the fuck up." He was smiling. Emmett was bad at being mean. Too bad I was the one who got stuck with it.

We finally arrived back at our house, no sign of Esme being home. _Poor Alice_, was all I could think. Inside Carlisle was in the kitchen making a TV dinner that screamed 'lonely man.' He looked up at me and Emmett, and then the dog in my arms.

The only thing he said was, "Get my jacket and keys."

**

* * *

A/N** –

Next chapter should be more exciting. Lauren's party, drama, fights, girls, boys – the works.


	5. Dream On, Dream Off

**Chapter Five – Dream On, Dream Off**

When people hear they name 'Lauren Mallory', most people respond by saying, "exuberant." That is was Lauren is. She's outgoing, she's rambunctious, she's a bitch and better yet, she's that one girl that just happens to know and be a part of everything. She's like a tiny fly just stalking you without you even realizing or feeling her presence.

Lauren Mallory is just one of those rich girls who have time on their hands and pockets full of bribes.

She'll get what she wants when she wants it.

But her party was one thing that I would have never guessed.

Lauren didn't throw a large party with hundreds of people. Instead, she made it a small thing with nearly thirty people there. She threw a party for her and her close friends, the people that she liked most.

How Mike and I actually got in is beyond me.

The night didn't start off all that great.

Alice was home, but as sick as a dog. She was either in her bed sleeping in the dark, or cuddling up with the toilet. Sometimes she was clasping a pan, but that was another sad story. I wanted to speak to her, but my mom wouldn't let me in.

It wasn't because she was afraid I'd get sick, but because she wanted Alice to have her privacy.

I know my sister pretty well, and honestly, she wouldn't care if I was in the same room with her as she puked. Most people aren't that way, but a few are--feeling super terrible you just don't care what's going on.

I wanted to be there for Alice, I wanted to talk to her and tell her about my life; she got a kick out of that stuff. But lately she and I have hardly even been able to keep a one minute long conversation without her puking, sleeping, being bombarded by our mother or by her having to go to a doctor's appointment.

I was really missing my sister, but I knew in order to get her better, sacrifices would have to be made.

It was almost seven, which was the same time Lauren's party started. I was waiting for Mike to show up.

His mom was giving us a ride. Pretty lame, but it's better than our bikes or walking…maybe.

I still wondered if I had time to back out, in fact, I really did wonder if Alice was contagious or not. I had to force myself away from her in order to not cuddle up with her and try to catch what she had, even though her sickness was part of her disease. But by the time I caught it, or if I even did, I would get sick immediately. To my luck I'd vomit on someone at the party and be made into a laughing stock.

So instead I sat in my room, stuck on Facebook. It would be shameless to say that I was stalking Bella through it, but then again, I am pretty shameless. Her recent status updated said: Going to Lauren's party! Jake can't make it, though. :(

I'll admit it. I did a little victory dance.

I would finally get a chance to speak to Bella without Jacob around to influence her anger or wants. She'd been ignoring me ever since the night we found the dog, whom was safely taken care of. The little dog got a second chance with my family. We kept him, which I was thankful for. We needed a pet that didn't have gills.

Actually, that was the dog's name: Gil.

Adorable little thing, well when he's not chewing up everything in sight. But when he _is_ sleeping, he's pretty darn cute. I'm just glad Emmett gets stuck with poop duty.

The thing may be small, but other things from it were not.

The door bell rang and I groaned, yet I couldn't be completely irritated. This was my chance to talk to Bella, and I honestly wouldn't miss it for the world. I closed my lap top and grabbed my navy blue jacket, patting Gil, whom was sleeping on my bed, and made my way downstairs. Carlisle wasn't here, in fact, I wasn't even sure if he was at work.

Emmett had gone out with Rose somewhere, and I was a bit blown away that they both were skipping Lauren's party. And of course, Esme was taking care of Alice.

That's all she does anymore.

I sighed when I reached the door, spotting my mother on the couch reading a book about Leukemia and what not. I opened the door and looked at Mike.

I don't think he got the message of what kind of party this was.

"Mike, it's casual wear, not 'let's go to the ball, Cinderella.'"

The poor kid was wearing a suit.

He shrugged and smiled shyly. "I know…but I figured if I were going to try and win Jess over, I might as well do it with a bang."

I laughed at shook my head at him.

His mother honked the horn, clearly impatient. I turned to my mom, who was invested in her reading.

"Bye, Mom," I said melancholy. She didn't even reply.

With another sigh I stepped outside, shutting the door behind me.

As I walked down the steps, I think I heard a goodbye, but it was probably just the wind.

"At least my tie matches my shoes, right?" Mike questioned as we climbed into the van. I took my seat and looked down at his feet, then at his tie.

I nodded my head. "Red. Very 'Harriet the Spy'."

"I do look like a spy, huh?"

I could only laugh at the fool. "Sure do."

The entire time we were in the van, Mrs. Newton blasted AC/DC. I wasn't one to object, but when she started shouting questions to me over the loudness, it got a bit awkward. How could I reply to someone when I couldn't even understand their questions completely? Have the time I thought she was asking me about my genitals, the other half I thought she was talking about Jesus being a goat.

But she didn't even notice me not responded.

I gave Mike that sort of look you give when you wonder if people are on drugs.

He only nodded his head and looked out the window.

I don't think he got my message right, but if he did, I'm sorry for him.

His mother was one that didn't belong on drugs, no matter if they were prescribed or not.

We finally got to Lauren's house, which was nearly as big as mine, and to our surprise, there wasn't a cliché anywhere.

I figured people would be outside, half wasted, half in the party mood, but it was empty. And clean.

"Mike, please don't do any drinking. You, too, Edward," Mrs. Newton said.

Mike nodded his head, mumbling something.

"No problem, Mrs. Newton." I wasn't sure if I were telling the truth or not. I hadn't thought about drinking. It never crossed my mind.

Me and Mike got out and walked to the front door. By now it was seven-thirty. We were late and inside you could hear the music and voices.

"I hope we didn't miss anything," Mike said as he waved good-bye to his mom.

"I wonder who all is here. You'd think there'd be more people," I said.

Mike looked around us and I knocked on the door.

"Huh," he mused.

The door opened and Tyler answered, a red plastic cup in his hands and a slight sway in his body.

"Eddie-boy!" he greeted me, completely ignoring Mike. At least until he got a look at the outfit. "This isn't the prom, dude."

"Are you going to let us in?" I asked him, suddenly irritated. Pop music blasted throughout the house, along with the cheers and shrieks of girls dancing. I just wanted to find Bella, talk to her, and then leave.

Simple plan.

"Well, Cullen, you're invited. But I don't think Newton is," Tyler said. Weren't Mike and Tyler friends? What happened there?

"Dude, seriously, Lauren said he could come." No, she didn't.

He sighed and appraised us both. "You're an honest, guy. Come on in, Eddie. I'll take your word for it."

"It's Edward," I said to him as I stepped inside the warm, loud home.

Tyler disappeared then, as did Mike. He was determined to find Jessica. I was determined to find Bella.

Kind of weird that we are on the same wave length, he and I.

The party was in control for the most part, a bit loud and you'd easily bump elbows with someone, but it wasn't over the top. It made my travel throughout the house a bit smoother as I questioned everyone where Bella was.

Everyone's answer? Fuck off.

Sure, they said it a bit nicer (well, some), but I just simplified what they meant, because in reality, we all mean and want to say fuck off, instead of "I'm sorry, I haven't." I sure as hell know that's what I'd like to say to everyone, but like my mother raised me, I'm going to try to be as nice as I can be—at least, depending on my mood.

So after failing at asking people where Bella was, I decided to try my hand at being Nancy Drew, or maybe Blue and Joe (because Steve left the show to become a rock star, even though everyone thought he killed himself), and figure it out myself.

Upstairs people were either making out, being cock-blocked by me, or sneakily trying to do drugs. Bella was no where around any of this, which I was thankful for. So I headed back downstairs and out the backdoor, where I finally found her.

She was by herself, surprisingly. Ever since the school year started, she'd been Miss. Popularity, making it impossible for me to get her alone. And I wasn't going to stand around and miss my chance. I skipped down the back steps, being careful not to slip on the slick stairs.

Once securely on the mushy grass, I rushed over to her, where she was leaning against the brown picket fence.

"Bella!" I hollered, catching her attention.

"Oh, my God," she started, a faux dramatic look appearing on her face. "Is that really you, Edward Cullen? At a party? With the popular kids? Have I died?"

"Ha, ha," I scorned, glaring at her as I stood beside her and leaned my back against the fence.

"But seriously, what are you doing here?"

I shrugged. "I was invited, so I thought "what the hell" and came."

"Someone made you come, huh?" she guessed.

"Yep," I said, giving in before it got any worse.

"Who?"

"Michael-Fucking-Newton," I sputtered, kicking the grass in front of me.

"Awe, poor thing," she said in a baby voice. Bella put her hand on my shoulder and stared at me with wide eyes and pouty lips. I smiled at her, even though I was trying to look angry.

"You're annoying, you know this, right?"

She smiled at me then and took her hand away. My shoulder had never felt so cold and dead in my life.

"That's not what your mom said," she muttered.

I stared at her, long and hard. "You're fucking stupid, too."

"Thanks."

There was no humor in her voice this time, and I felt really bad. I watched as she sheltered her eyes by looking at the ground, her legs rubbing together as her hands rubbed her arms.

"Sorry," I whispered to her.

She shrugged. "It's fine."

"Is it?" I asked, finally realizing that she was actually hurting.

She shrugged again, trying to dismiss me trying to get her to open up.

"Come on," I said, shoving her slightly. "Tell me."

"Not right now, or…ever," she replied.

"Bella! Come the fuck on! I'm your best friend. At least, I used to be."

She turned to me, eyes narrowing. "What's that supposed to mean? You still _are_ my best friend!"

"Then why are you avoiding me? Why are you treating me like I'm some fucking fuck up? Why… are you becoming this person you've hated for so long?"

She looked disgusted as she spoke. "I'm still me, Edward. And you're still you. Why are you being so dramatic?"

"Who the fuck is Jacob, Bella? Why is he here?"

"Don't _even_ bring him into this," she growled, moving so she was standing in front of me. I suddenly felt small then with her dark eyes piercing mine and a malice expression on her face.

"I don't know anymore, Bella. He's really putting a wedge between us."

"You act like we're in a relationship! What are you going on about? He's not doing anything to us!" She stopped and her dark glare turned even darker as a spark of fact reached her thoughts. "It's you who's being a dick, who's putting a so called "wedge" between us."

"I'm sorry that I don't want to be friends with your boyfriend. Honestly, I think you can do better. But that's beside the point."

"Look, I'm not going to stand here and fight with you. If you have something to say, say it, because if not, I'm done," she threatened.

My body froze. "What do you mean "done"?"

"Done. As in, this friendship can no longer be. I'm not going to be friends with an asshole who likes to criticize everything I do."

I swallowed harshly. I hadn't expected this.

Out of everything that had changed recently—her relationship with Jacob, her new popularity status, the way she no longer talks to me and Jasper like she used to—made him angry, but he didn't want to terminate their friendship.

"Bella…I…" My words were stuck.

"Give me one good reason why I should forgive your bizarre behavior as of lately."

She put her hands on her hips and pursed her lips, her brown eyes (which looked black in the dark atmosphere) glaring viciously at me.

My lips parted and I searched for a reason, only one coming to mind.

"Alice has cancer."

**

* * *

A/N** – So, I started this chapter back in February, when I put this on hiatus (I think it still in on hiatus) and tonight I felt bored and wanted to write. So I did.

And here you have it. It sucks, yes. But that's the perks of me being a writer. :D

Me and IChimpz had a "fight" the same time I was writing Bella's and Edward's, so it was kinda a double win. Also, TRDancer inspired their humor bantering.

Well, yep.


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